using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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