Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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