just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
