I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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