omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
