So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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