Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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