Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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