If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How naked do you want me to be?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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