Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
