So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
