But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
