She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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