Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
