If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
