i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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