U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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