every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
