i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
