Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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