I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
