3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
