Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
