On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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