Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
