Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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