Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
