So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize