i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize