she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
