FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
