apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
