i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize