it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
