I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
