so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
