I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
