I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
