Sry I called you an 8
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize