I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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