I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
