: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
