Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
