We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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