she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
