So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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