Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
