He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
