omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
