for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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