Did you just see the Batmobile???
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
