Dual....:-)
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
