so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who died my cat blue again?
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