Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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