Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
