Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
