almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
