went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
