Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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