I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
