She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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