your room smells of hookers.
And success
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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