That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When are your genitals available?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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