idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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