So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
