I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
