so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
