Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
