Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
