Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
nutella sex= disaster
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
