Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
