I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
