Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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