Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
