so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
