Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
