walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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