mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
