this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
