I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize