So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
