none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize