So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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