i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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