here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
