I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
