Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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