So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
