My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
