He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
