I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
