I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
